Grateful and Amazed -- Completely and Forever

I love it when you fall asleep on my lap. Enchanted, I gaze at your perfect little face at rest.  Your dark eyelashes, your sweet chubby cheeks, your little lips moving quickly back and forth as though you're still nursing. You have one hand rested on your rounded little tummy, the other clutched around my finger. I close my eyes and just listen as you breathe in and out, breathing in your sweet smell myself. I thank our Heavenly Father for each breath.

It's in these quiet moments of bliss where I feel so incredibly grateful. I am grateful for your smiles and your giggles, for your happy little coos. I love the way you "sing" along with mommy and daddy and the way you raise your eyebrows when you smile at me. I am grateful for your sweet smell, your soft skin and your good health. I'm grateful for your inquisitive blue eyes -- always searching, always learning. I love your chubby cheeks and how perfect they feel against my lips. I'm grateful for your cute little nose, a miniature of mine, and the way you laugh at your daddy's silly antics. I'm grateful for your snuggles and your "kisses," for your loving pats and your fingers wrapped around mine. Most of all I am grateful that you are mine and that I am yours -- completely and forever.

I'm also amazed.  I'm amazed that the body that I hated and warred with for so many years could grow such a perfect little girl.  I am amazed that my body still nourishes yours -- giving you your sweet (and numerous) rolls, protecting you from diseases and illnesses that would do you harm. I am amazed as I watch you grow, getting bigger and bigger, learning more and more every day. I am amazed as I see you explore, discovering how the world around you looks, feels and tastes. I'm amazed by your amazement as you discover all your body can do -- watching your hands open and close around a toy or binky, learning, little by little, that you can move and reach for the things you want. I am amazed at how you some how manage to get anything and everything in your mouth -- from your rattle to your fists to my nose to my cheek. I am amazed that my touch can somehow calm you when you're upset and that a smile from my face paints and even bigger grin on yours. I am amazed by you and every little thing you do.  Most of all, I am amazed that you are mine and that I am yours -- completely and forever.

Being a mother isn't always easy but it is beautiful. It's not always rainbows and butterflies but as time flies I find myself more grateful and amazed than tired or stressed. I love spending my days with you.  There is no place I would rather be. There is no work more important than caring for you and watching you grow. Being your mother is one of the greatest blessings and honors of my life -- I only hope I can measure up to you some day. 

As I watch you begin to stir, your little arms flail and your eyes flutter open.  For a moment you look as though you might cry but then you catch my gaze. Your little face melts into that sweet smile I love so much.  And I am grateful and amazed -- completely and forever.