From your mom to the clerk in the grocery store to that lady at church who just patted your belly yet again, new parents (or soon to be new parents) get tons of advice from well-wishers. Some of it is helpful ("Sleep when the baby sleeps. Do laundry when the baby does laundry."), some is encouraging ("Just wait until that first smile!"), some is depressing ("You'll never sleep through the night again") and some is downright annoying ("I did this and it worked for me so clearly I'm an expert and you should do the same"). And then sometimes, it's exactly what you needed to hear.
I was a complete wreck during my first few weeks as a new parent. I was a crazy, sleep-deprived, emotional monster of hormones. I cried because I was tired. I cried because I loved my husband so much. I cried because my husband had to go back to work. I cried because I was so grateful my mom was there. I cried because my mom was going to have to leave after a couple weeks. I cried because my baby wouldn't sleep on her own. I cried because I couldn't sleep on my own. I cried because my feet looked like they belonged on an elephant. I cried because my baby was so perfectly beautiful. There was a lot of crying -- from both me and my babe.
In addition to regularly bursting into tears I was also incredibly anxious. I was constantly worried about my baby -- especially if she wasn't in my arms. Any cry she made needed to be instantly soothed my me and no one else. My poor mother-in-law tried coming to watch her for me so I could get some sleep and I was so stressed by being in a different room that my mother-in-law ended up cleaning my kitchen while I nursed the baby instead. I was constantly worried about whether she was eating enough, whether I was producing enough milk, if she had latch problems, if she was warm enough, if she was too warm, were we swaddling right, is she still breathing and on and on and on. We had problems getting her to sleep, too. Or well, keeping her asleep. She'd sleep happily on someone chest or in their arms but any time we tried to put her down she'd wake up within 10 minutes.
Needless to say, I was a nervous tear-stained wreck. In the midsts of all this, my wonderful cousin (mother to three happy, healthy little boys) gave me some advice that changed everything for me as a new parent.
You're doing a great job, I'm sure of it. Don't listen to the books or doctors. Listen to the advice of parents that you trust and follow your own instincts. You know [your baby] better than anyone else.
While I don't think we should do away with doctors and experts (I think everyone will agree they definitely have their place), that advice was exactly what this anxious, sleep deprived rookie mama needed to hear. I didn't need tricks that worked for someone else (because they weren't working for me), or someone telling me I was doing things wrong. More than anything, I needed love and encouragement. I needed to know that I could trust myself and my instincts as a mother. I needed to know that I was doing a great job, however I chose to mother my child.
So, if you are a new parent, a soon-to-be new parent or heck, even an "old" parent looking for some encouragement, my advice to you is this,
As long as you are keeping your babe happy, safe and healthy, it doesn't matter if you soothe her cries by nursing her to sleep or by playing her your favorite Metallica song. It doesn't matter if you rock him in your arms or if you let the baby swing do the work for a half hour. In the end, the only advice the really matters as a new parent? Trust yourself and love your baby.
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